the invisible you that moves my invisible counter yet but is otherwise a specter that doesnt quite haunt but sometimes hinders my ability to journal, is that you?

do you scare me away?

i wish that were the case.

or i wish i thought that was the case and then i could be righteous in my avoidance of the words.

but i dont fear you.

i fear me.

i fear the words that may pour out if i let them.

so i dont let them.

when the world gets tough for me and the words swirl around the most needing to get out to help lead me to the dry spot i take a mental imodium AD and stop it all up.

but just like the imodium it doesnt keep the shit from building up it just keeps it from coming out.

i have nasty stomach virus strength diarrhea of words backed up in my head and i wont let it out.

i have taken so much imodium now that i dont think i could let it out if i tried.

i close my eyes and i see the explosion that is going to happen.

i open my eyes and everything is strange too dark, too bright, too wrong, too right and it's hot while it's cold and the end is nearer every day, minute, second.

and the explosion will be huge and messy and maybe i will survive.

and i think that is what scares me the most.

Mental State- pensive
Random Wordage- alphabet soup that has been left to the elements lives between my ears

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