because i feel ok then i dont and the losing the ok adds to my pain.

i wish that i were less familiar with the sound of my soul crunching up against my life.

i wish that people would stop telling me that things would be different/better/ok if i would "just"

dont you think that if i could "just" get over it, that i would?

dont you think that if i could "just" think about something else, i would?

i work hard everyday not to "just" let the eternity of heart break i experience in every moment not still me.

i work hard everday not to "just" eat the bullet/pills/whatever that could make it all stop.

there is no workable "just"

i am tired of all this angsty shit.

i am ready for something new to permeate my being.

i am so tired.

i could sleep a million life times and then sleep some more.

i am so so tired of it all.




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